This Photo

Earlier in the year, I did a post about reading photographs. I always planned to get back to doing more if it, but you move on and you forget. Tonight I was flipping through photos and came across this one. I stop and stare at it every time it surfaces. It says so much to me as a mom, as a writer.

It is of course, a photo of my son, and there are some immediate things that strike me about it. Then, there are some things you won't see without my guidance. Things I see when I look a little deeper...

The photo was taken on a family vacation to St. Augustine. We traveled with another family we are friends with, both the kids and adults. The weather was uncharacteristically cold for the time of year. We went to the beach and ate lunch and walked, but it was too cold to wear swimsuits or go in the water. Jacob rolled up his jeans so he could walk on the shoreline without getting his pants wet.

Jacob has deep and beautiful blue eyes, so we often buy him shirts in the color he's wearing. The bright blue of his shirt, the faded blue jeans, and the color of the sky and water, all make this photo so blue. Even the metal railing he's leaning on takes on a blueish-gray hue.  He has my curls, and here his hair was grown out and a bit unruly. It has an I don't care kind of feel to it. He's looking at me so seriously. If you don't know him, you might interpret the look as a disgust about my attempt to take his photo. As his mom, I can tell you it's an unassuming vanity. He'll look my way, but he's not going to smile with approval. He's sort of posing.

Notice the way he is sitting. He appears to be relaxed. Both shoulders back, and his leg dropped. I'm not so sure how relaxed he was. As a high school freshman, approaching the end of the year (this was spring break), he was just starting to figure things out. He struggled all through middle school, and he was gaining some confidence as he found high school to be a place he felt more like himself. His face is fuller than it is today. He was definitely starting to look older, but he did not yet have the definition in his face, he does today. His skin hadn't cleared up yet, and his shoulders hadn't squared off.

And his hand. The way his hand is hanging forward, the way he's holding his fingers looks just like his dad. It's funny how you notice things like that, things no one else would see.

This photo represents a pivotal time for Jacob, at least in my eyes. It was the last time I'd see him more as a teenager than a young man. I'll cherish this photo forever. It's one of my favorites. It may say more about me as a mom, than it does about him as my son. That's ok.

What He Knows

Image from Pixabay.com

He is gentle, knows love and respect
his father loves unabashedly and completely
he knows only what he sees.

He still hugs his mom and dad
he says I love you each time he leaves the house
and each night before he goes to bed.

His heart is open, he is warm and kind
he is a loyal and forever friend
he is generous and forgiving.

He is everything you want him to be
he is sensitive and compassionate
adventurous and strong.

He will hold your hand and let you in close
he will be authentic and truthful
and share with you all that is important to him.

He will value your wit as much as your beauty
he will expect you to laugh with him
he has a lust for life and laughter.

He will make you feel special
and he'll tell you you are
remember please, he is special too.

End of an Era

Our vacation was bittersweet this year. We had a wonderful time and experienced lots of really cool adventures, but I also got to thinking. This might be our last traditional family vacation. If all goes well, our son will be off to college next year, and perhaps we'll sneak one more trip in next summer before he goes.

But it's hard to believe my son is going to be 18 and graduating high school this year. Gone are the days of snuggling up in bed and reading a story. Gone are the days when snorkeling on the beach or login to Disney World with his mom and dad were enough to make a vacation exciting. I guess it might come a little earlier for an only child. After all, there are no built in companions. No siblings means no childhood friends on these trips. This is why we've allowed him to bring a friend on each of the last two vacations. Don't get me wrong, his friends are great and both boys were a pleasure to have along on each of the trips. It's just that we may not be enough to make it fun anymore. It makes me a little sad, but it's ok.

We are going to try to weasel one more out next summer. We're leaning more toward a family trip than a graduation party. A cruise or a trip overseas are both considerations. Time and money will both be factors in that decision. For now I'll relish all the excursions we've had and all the time we have left together before he leaves our home for college. I'm truly grateful.

Family vacation to Anna Maria Island when Jacob was 5.

This year's trip to NC. Zip lining in the Smokies.