Dry Humor

I am unusual. Probably in more ways than one. But today, I've been thinking a lot about something that makes me pretty unique in comparison to almost every person I know. I don't drink alcohol. I won't say never, but rarely is probably an understatement. A couple of weeks ago I went to establish with a new general physician. When the nurse did the initial screening information while we waited for the doctor, she asked me how often I drink alcohol. I never know how to answer that question, and she tried to prompt me for a response. "Um, almost never," I said. "I mean, not never. But..."
     "Once a month?" the nurse asked.
     "Mmm... not even. Maybe half a dozen times a year?" I was practically asking back because I might as well have answered never. Like I said, I never know how to answer.
     "Okay, like maybe during holidays?" she tried again. It might seem like she didn't believe me, but I didn't feel that way. It was more like she was trying to quantify something I couldn't put a number on myself.
     "Sure, go with that," I obliged even though that probably wasn't even true. In recent memory, I can think of only two times I drank... in the past maybe six months. I had a sangria when I went out to dinner with my friend one night, and a margarita while out with my husband a couple of months ago. I found the whole thing so strange, trying to determine how often I had a drink. Once the doctor came in and reviewed my responses, she asked with surprise in her voice.
     "Wow, you don't smoke or drink? That's great." I guess I never realized how unusual that was. And I began to think about it some more. I have one good friend from college who also doesn't drink. It's not that either one of us is standing in some holier than thou ivory tower, we just don't drink. The last time I can remember drinking with any consistency, was when I was a freshman in college. To be honest, I didn't even come close to any of my friends' alcohol intake. I was just never into it. And oh yeah, I cannot stand the taste of beer.

I've joked with my sister, the other person I know who doesn't really drink, about how kid-like we feel about the whole thing. We've laughed about how common it is for women our age (in our 40's) to talk about coming home after a long day of work and unwinding with a glass of wine. Nope. Not us. We've said to each other, we wish we liked to drink wine. It sounds so grown-up. And people, especially women, seem to get such enjoyment out of popping the cork at the end of the day. "It's wine-thirty!" you'll here as people head out of the office. And there are a ton of funny memes all over social media about wine.    

     My husband loves beer. I mean really loves beer. When we go out to eat at international restaurants, he orders the beer that matches the cuisine. He loves IPAs and local brewery beer especially. And wouldn't I just love to enjoy a local brew at the food truck night at the local brewery? Sure, I would! But I. don't. like. beer. Sometimes I'll come home from a stressful day or a long week at work and I'll tell my husband I want to go out somewhere and have a drink. He picks out a restaurant for dinner where he knows I like the cocktails, and nine out of ten times, by the time we get there I'm no longer interested.
     I've tried to figure out why I don't drink much. I don't have any alcoholics or bad memories associated with alcohol in my immediate family. My parents both drank as I was growing up, albeit responsibly (at least from my perspective). Not sure who to credit, my parents or school or D.A.R.E. or scared straight videos or maybe ABC After school Specials. But I was afraid of drunk driving and I always volunteered to be the designated driver. My husband thinks it's something like that. He says I  don't like it when I'm not in control of my own actions. That could be it too. Who knows?
     But those areas in the country where they still have dry towns and counties, wouldn't bother me one bit. Many of my friends identify alcohol elimination or reduction as their number one adjustment for trying to drop weight. Not me. Eliminating my 5-6 cocktails a year is not likely to have any impact on my weight. Actually, come to think about it, we went on a Sandals vacation to Jamaica three years ago and I drank so much I gained 4 pounds on the trip. To be fair, all I drank were those sugary frozen drinks. That was probably as much the culprit as the alcohol itself.
     All that said, it does not bother me when other people drink. It's fun to watch people enjoying themselves, sometimes making fools of themselves when they have one more than they should have. Live it up! Have a great time! And feel free to call me for a ride if you need one.