Make My Dream Come Alive

When you're a lover of music, inspiration is never really that far away. For me, music is almost always in the background of my life. We listen to music more than we watch TV in our house. Our favorite thing about a Sunday with no obligations is brewing a cup of fresh coffee and setting the TV to play music all day. We usually start with some jazz or soft rock, and then throughout the day we'll switch to various playlists. Most of the afternoon, we've been listening to a playlist my husband created, called Laurie. We have overlapping music taste, but if we were a Venn diagram, the overlapping section seems to have gotten smaller than the outside non-shared music than it ever was before. That's ok. Paul and I have been married a long time, and we have many memories attached to our shared love of music. There continue to be shared albums and songs, but we each have developed a taste for other kinds of music, separately as well. He created this playlist off his music library so when we're together, either home or in the car, we can listen to it and both enjoy the music. I think one of the things I love most, is he put songs I may not even know, that he knows I would like based on knowing me and my music taste so well. He's a really good guy. Have I mentioned that before?

Today, after grocery shopping and doing a quick blog post, I did some baking while researching on my computer in between steps. I've been trying to get back into the swing of writing. I've fallen behind on this blog by several days, and I'm determined to get myself back on track. What I found, was I'd read or write something briefly, then close the laptop. Then I'd open it and do it again. It's hard to tell whether I'm avoiding it or I just can't think of anything. I hate when people, especially my students, say they can't think of anything to write about. It bugs me that today it has been me.

Then, as they often do, Tesla came up in the rotation. This time it was a favorite of mine. "Caught Up In a Dream," was the first release off the long awaited Into the Now album that came out after a ten year hiatus of recording by the band. I was slightly distracted by something I was reading, and I stopped and closed my eyes to listen. The song is really about the wish for peace and harmony on earth, but today it struck me differently. A good song, like a good poem, means whatever it means to the receiver. 

I'm caught up in a dream, I'm gonna wish for it all
No one's gonna tell me how, no way, this is my dream now
I'm caught up in what seems simply impossible

I ain't gonna change a thing, no way, it's my dream

In a time of busy-ness and internal chaos, I'm reminded my dreams are my own. No one can take them from me unless I allow them to. If someone stands in my way, it's in my own power to move past them and find my way. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves the direct path isn't the only path. We hold the power to make our dreams come true, and if we can't find a path perhaps it's an invitation to create our own.

What if...I close my eyes and everything will be alright
Here in my fantasy, living in harmony
Make my dream come alive

A random moment of calm, a few minutes to close my eyes, ground myself and visualize what I want, this is what I'm missing in my daily routine. I need to get back to meditation and mindfulness, of stillness and affirmation. Within chaos there is always calm, it's just harder to find. Maybe I'm not so much caught up in my dream as I am allowing it to remain dormant in the chaos. It's time to make my dream come alive, to get back to living in internal harmony.

Vision of Love

I have recently started to practice yoga. I've been trying several different classes at a yoga studio recommended by my friend. So far I've been to three different kinds of classes and I am scheduled to try another one later this week. Imagine my surprise when I was scheduling my classes for the week and my husband told me he would like to join me. Tonight he came with my to Relaxation yoga, and though we did not talk to each other, and barely even looked at one another throughout the entire class, there was something very special about sharing the time with him, alone but together. For the first time in my life I had a vision. When the yoga instructor set us up in a pose to open our chests around the heart area, I took a couple of deep breaths, and man did I ever feel the opening. It was an unbelievable feeling, and I had a vision. This poem is my way of trying to honor the experience.

Inhaling deeply and exhaling deliberately

I pull air into and flush air out of my lungs

Listening, I focus on the rhythm of my breath. 

In the midst of meditation

I feel him posing next to me

Relaxing, I focus on the rhythm of his breath.

My chest opens up

and my heart is warm with light.

Above me I see us, a younger us 

holding hands, running in circles, laughing.

Dressed in flowy whites

His pants are rolled up above his ankles

and I have flowers in my hair.

We are barefoot with the grass between our toes.

Golden sunlight shines 

showering a celestial glow over us

as we laugh and play like children

no worries, no cares beyond the moment.

Back here we are together, 

sharing an intimate moment of oneness, side by side.

Our hearts open and our inner souls rejoice above us.

I Want to Ride My Bicycle*

Every time I get on my bike, I feel like kicking myself for not getting on it more often. I simply love biking. Today on my way home from work I decided to ditch my plan to go workout at the gym, and instead come home and ride my bike. And that's exactly what I did. Despite the overcast whiteness of a hazy and cool (not cold) winter evening, I thoroughly enjoyed my ride. Besides the fact I always feel better after I have exercised, biking comes with an added benefit. Rather than tune out everything at the gym by blasting music in my earbuds, when I bike, I unplug and become in tuned to everything. For safety, I have never worn earbuds while I ride my bike. This allows me to leave everything (including by phone) at home and ride free of noise. Instead, I am mindful of my thoughts and everything going on around me. I actually find myself writing in my head while I'm riding around. Can you imagine? Other than the shower, or carved out sacred writing time, there is no place or activity that allows me such solitude and oneness with my thoughts. It's funny, one of my friends posted something on FB today about the difference between aloneness and solitude, the first having negative sad connotation, the latter a "gift" we give to ourselves. My bike ride today was a gift of solitude and mindfulness.


Biking on Through

The wind is in my face
I am riding alone
Cheeks flushed
Eyes watering
I can feel my smile

I'm at my own pace
I am riding alone
Senses heightened
Legs pumping
I can feel my heart

The birds are chirping
and the trees are swaying
School is out and it is not yet dark
So the streets are sprinkled with people

On a cul de sac a mom sits in a chair
at the end of the driveway
watching her little ones play in the street
"Hi!" the little boy shouts like we are friends

"Hi!" I shout back as I ride away
watching the leaves skipping along
tiptoeing in the wind
barely touching the street

On the next block a man is walking his dog
They are moving briskly and he smiles
As I ride by I hear him say to the dog
"Good boy, you're a good boy."

In one garage I see two classic cars
One is a VW Beetle convertible
candy apple red with a black ragtop.
My husband would love it

In another garage I see a neighbor
I smile and wave like all friendly people
As I ride by I notice it wasn't my neighbor
It was a mannequin. Oh my!

Just as I round the corner,
A boy is walking his little sister home
He seems to be a good big brother
He is holding her hand

Down the street a ways
Three generations playing together
a giant bouncy ball and four dogs
It is a family circus!

Near my house a woman is jogging,
sort of- she's talking on the phone,
barely getting her feet off the ground
I am glad I left my phone behind.

The wind is in my face
I am riding alone
Cheeks flushed
Eyes watering
I can feel my smile

I'm at my own pace
I am riding alone
Senses heightened
Legs pumping
I can feel my heart


*Just because it goes so well and it's an all-time favorite: