Relaxing Goddess

Relaxing goddess,

my body sinks to the floor beneath me

my limbs, my organs, my skin and bones 

I float above my physical space

airy and weightless, calm and free

Piano keys and cello strings accompany my flight

a beautiful melody, a song of peace

My body is still, my mind at rest

The sun sets, the moon is high

and I'm ready to say good night

Yoga

Deep relaxation, restorative poses
surrender, she said
be open to receive. 

Breathing and staying present
releasing and relaxing
I sunk into the floor.

I surrendered
I received.

Practice

I had a wonderful morning spending a couple of hours with a friend on Sanibel today. We were on our way at 9:30 and we were home in time for lunch. It was not a beach trip we were on though, it was a spiritual check in. A time for reflection, a little reading and a little writing. It was the perfect way to start my Saturday, and the weather was absolutely spectacular. She's taken me to the spot before. It was a labyrinth on the grounds of the Sanibel Congregational United Church of Christ. I'm not sure what brought her there the first time. I forgot to ask. But she frequents the labyrinth periodically, and I was glad to return for the second time.

I was a little apprehensive entering the labyrinth this time. The last time I was there I didn't draw much from the experience. I remember really enjoying the grounds of the church, and doing a couple of writing exercises with my friends. But walking the labyrinth felt forced to me. I felt like I was supposed to draw some power and meaning from the experience and I didn't. I don't know if it was the timing for me, or just twisted expectations of something that should just be, and not be something in particular.

I took a deep breath and cleared my mind, and I entered the labyrinth. This time, I didn't forcefully slow my pace or rush through. I just strolled, looking up and around, and just treating it like a walk. It just happened to be in a pattern. I felt the warmth of the sun on my face and a cool wind at my back. I was startled by a buzzing sound and looked up to see a flowering tree in full bloom with bees buzzing all around nuzzling into the flowers. There is a variety of plants around the labyrinth, lots of green a couple of different flowers. There was one flower I just loved! It was a pom pom looking flower. It looked like a pink dandelion. It made me smile.

And as I made my way to the center I was noticing the air. It felt and smelled so good. There was a sweetness from one of the plants, and the air felt clear and fresh. And I tilted my face toward the sky and felt the pleasant combination of the cool breeze and the sun's warmth. I drew a deep breath in through my nose, forcefully expanding my abdomen and pushed the air out again through my nose. I did this three or four times, and I had immediately gone to yoga in my head. I thought about my instructor talking us through breaths, guiding us through mediation and asking us to really notice the feeling of the air on our nostrils as we draw in a breath. Then I asked myself this,

If you enjoy yoga so much, why do you wait until you're in the yoga studio to employ the practice?

And it got me thinking about the word practice. My yoga instructor, and several others I have taken classes with always use the the term "in our practice." It's a term used to talk about a focus for the class that day or a purpose for some aspect of yoga. And that's exactly what it is, a practice. It's never perfected and it's always dynamic. It's about growth and learning, and I think practice is a great term for it. In the labyrinth as I practiced mindful breathing, I made a commitment to myself to practice more. I don't have to be on the mat to practice yoga. It's a way of breathing, and enjoying stillness. It's a way of stretching and relaxing, and it's a way of being.

I am going to practice more.

I Am Happy

Someone at work said to me today, "You actually look good today." Can you believe that? I thought to myself, actually? Sounds rough. There was a time this comment might have sent me over the edge. I might have spouted off to some others about how f-ing rude I thought the person was to say something like that. But not today. Today, I was well aware she didn't mean anything by the comment. It likely came from several weeks of my less than cheerful, unhealthy appearance due to horrific allergies. After over a month of make-up free days because of swollen and itchy eyes, I have recently been able to return to my old self. I usually don't wear much make-up, but I always dress my eyes a bit in a neutral color eye shadow and some mascara. I have naturally long eye lashes and it brightens up my face a bit (Oy, I just sounded like my mom and my sister all rolled into one.). I think I knew where she was coming from, and anyway this came across my FB feed this morning:

I posted it with wise words from Master Jedi, Yoda who said, "Do. Or do not. There is no try." Truthfully, I think I got it backwards on my status update, but you get the point. I made the decision today to be happy. I've been working on this. Trying. But today, when I saw this I knew there was no try, only do. Earlier this week in yoga class, we closed with a meditation and my instructor told us to decide on a sankalpa- an affirmation- and to say it to ourselves three times. It was a tough Monday following a not so great weekend. I knew if I was going to make it through the week I had to make a mindset change, and relaxation yoga on Monday night is extremely helpful for this. Very simply, I chose I am happy. I know I have struggled lately with an overall feeling of happiness. The day to day moments and people in my life are wonderful, but I've had a hard time feeling fulfilled. So I affirmed to myself, I am happy. And I gotta tell you, it's working. Albeit slowly, but it is definitely working. When I saw this today, it was a gentle reminder. We have a choice in the way we feel. We can allow everything and everyone around us to make us feel as though we have no choice and our feelings are controlled by external forces. But it simply isn't true, and I'm starting to get the hang of it. So far this week, I am brave and I am happy... and I'm writing. So either writing makes me brave and happy, or feeling brave and happy helps me write. Quite frankly, it matters not to me in which order it happens, as long as it does.

~Peace

Relaxing Goddess

This week has been all about yoga for me. It's funny, when I started this blog last month, writing was at the center of my world. Don't get me wrong, my writing is still of the utmost priority in my life. But I'm striking more of a balance these days and it feels great. I've started a book club with a bunch of friends, and we're reading our third book this month, and I've taken up yoga. I'm still new to the practice, but I love it already. The poses feel great for my body, and the mindful breathing does wonder for my soul. It's going to take some time for it all to feel familiar every time I go, but I'm learning and I always enjoy learning.

Tonight was a bit challenging, though not for the reasons one might assume. I have horrible allergies, and they have been particularly debilitating the past week or two. My eyes have been itchy and swollen (have't worn eye make-up for over a week now- yuck) and there's been lots of sneezing. At yoga tonight, we posed in a twist at the hips and abdomen, chest, and face down on a bolster. That was it, forget deep, mindful breathing. I was sucking air through my mouth and barely able to hold the pose. My nose clogged up, and instead of mindfully breathing, i was mindfully gasping! Then I got distracted because I wasn't feeling relaxed. In my head, I started replaying my day. Ugh, the point of yoga is to move from the day's focus on things outside your body, to focusing inward. I was having a tough time with this. I know I'll get better at it, but my stuffed up nose and labored breathing made it labor intensive.

Just when I thought I had lost the ability to recover, we shifted our pose. Brand new to me, I absolutely loved this pose. Called the relaxing goddess, it opened up my entire chest and my sinuses! I was able to take the cleanest breaths and relax my entire body into the matt. Instead of ending the class in shavasana, at suggestion of the instructor I remained in relaxing goddess- my new favorite pose. And I gotta admit, love the name. It's fitting, don't you think?

Found this photo online, it's pretty close to our version of the "relaxing goddess" pose.

Vision of Love

I have recently started to practice yoga. I've been trying several different classes at a yoga studio recommended by my friend. So far I've been to three different kinds of classes and I am scheduled to try another one later this week. Imagine my surprise when I was scheduling my classes for the week and my husband told me he would like to join me. Tonight he came with my to Relaxation yoga, and though we did not talk to each other, and barely even looked at one another throughout the entire class, there was something very special about sharing the time with him, alone but together. For the first time in my life I had a vision. When the yoga instructor set us up in a pose to open our chests around the heart area, I took a couple of deep breaths, and man did I ever feel the opening. It was an unbelievable feeling, and I had a vision. This poem is my way of trying to honor the experience.

Inhaling deeply and exhaling deliberately

I pull air into and flush air out of my lungs

Listening, I focus on the rhythm of my breath. 

In the midst of meditation

I feel him posing next to me

Relaxing, I focus on the rhythm of his breath.

My chest opens up

and my heart is warm with light.

Above me I see us, a younger us 

holding hands, running in circles, laughing.

Dressed in flowy whites

His pants are rolled up above his ankles

and I have flowers in my hair.

We are barefoot with the grass between our toes.

Golden sunlight shines 

showering a celestial glow over us

as we laugh and play like children

no worries, no cares beyond the moment.

Back here we are together, 

sharing an intimate moment of oneness, side by side.

Our hearts open and our inner souls rejoice above us.

Restoration

I had a great day today. The writing ideas weren't flowing, and to be honest they still aren't. It's okay though. This is the first day since I started this blog, that I struggled to find a post inside me. That being said, the weather was magnificent and we opened all the windows and the sliders. Gusty breezes rushed through the house bringing a freshness you just don't get from air conditioning. I read a couple of chapters in my book for next month's book club too. I did some laundry, went out to the Fresh Market for two beautiful pieces of fresh sashimi tuna for the dinner I wanted to make tonight, and then I went to yoga. This wasn't just any yoga class. It was a two hour Restorative Yoga session, and it was wonderful! Invited by my friend Helen, I knew almost instantly I wanted to go, and I'm glad I did. I can't remember a time I felt such stillness and calm in my body. It was a reminder to me that one of the things I affirmed for myself at the start of this blog, was to love thyself.

I'm tempted to write about the experience, but frankly I'm afraid it will take something away from it. All I can say is being unplugged, even without music, for a full two hours was peaceful. No talking, very little movement, and the release of negative energy while welcoming the light I needed into my day, made it truly restorative. I'm not going to write anymore about it. I'm going to let it be what it was. I am optamistic there is room now for creative inspiration where the negative energy is no more.

And tomorrow is a new day.