A Very Special Valentine

Valentine's Day is coming. A holiday (if you can even call it that) built up so masterfully by the greeting card industry, and the chocolate industry, and the floral industry, and the jewelry industry, is just another occasion causing mass commercialism and high pressure decisions with superficial implications about the degree to which one person loves another. I know I sound cynical. I am as guilty as the next girl of waiting with high hopes and fantastical dreams over the years, about what I would be surprised with by my husband on the Day of Love.  Sometimes I am  genuinely pleased, others I get the "I tell you I love you everyday, why do we need a holiday?" speech. Either way, it's all good. I have been with my husband for too many years to make any connections between the gift and his feelings. I'm not gonna lie. I love a surprise. But really, why do we give this holiday so much power? Let's face it. It is mostly girls and women. I hate even having to make such a statement, but the truth hurts sometimes. And in this case it hurts badly. Women, especially young women and girls, put so much stock into having a love interest or being a love interest- more on Valentine's Day than any other time. Why? Because Hallmark, Jason and Todd tell them to.  After all, Monday at work and school, everyone will want to know... "What did he (or she) get you?" 

I said something out loud to one of our students at school today, and it was one of those rare occasions I came up with some original genius. Like really, someone should be quoting me on a FB meme. I asked her, "You know who the best Valentine is?" She looked at me, already skeptical of what I was about to say, and shook her head no. "Yourself," I said. "No one in the world should love you more than you love yourself, and you can pick out the perfect gift because you know exactly what you want." She smiled at me, but I'm not sure she bought it. It's okay, because I did.

It's been a busy couple of weeks at work, and I had wanted to do a special project with the girls for Valentines Day. I wanted to help them participate in a practice of self-love. I wanted them to get the perfect Valentine- not from a boyfriend or girlfriend, but from themselves. I had planned to share this video with them, and have them write Valentines to themselves, but things were chaotic and time ran short. Instead, I'm sharing it with you. Watch the video, think about it, and try sending yourself a little love. You can even get adventurous and send it with some candy, or flowers, perhaps a piece of jewelry. Maybe you'd rather have a book or some music, tickets to a movie. Or you can just put it in an envelope with an upside down stamp in the corner and SWAK on the flap, and mail it from work to home. Trust me, writing it isn't so easy. I've been trying for days to write mine. But give it a try, and have a very Happy Valentine's Day. xxoo

Restoration

I had a great day today. The writing ideas weren't flowing, and to be honest they still aren't. It's okay though. This is the first day since I started this blog, that I struggled to find a post inside me. That being said, the weather was magnificent and we opened all the windows and the sliders. Gusty breezes rushed through the house bringing a freshness you just don't get from air conditioning. I read a couple of chapters in my book for next month's book club too. I did some laundry, went out to the Fresh Market for two beautiful pieces of fresh sashimi tuna for the dinner I wanted to make tonight, and then I went to yoga. This wasn't just any yoga class. It was a two hour Restorative Yoga session, and it was wonderful! Invited by my friend Helen, I knew almost instantly I wanted to go, and I'm glad I did. I can't remember a time I felt such stillness and calm in my body. It was a reminder to me that one of the things I affirmed for myself at the start of this blog, was to love thyself.

I'm tempted to write about the experience, but frankly I'm afraid it will take something away from it. All I can say is being unplugged, even without music, for a full two hours was peaceful. No talking, very little movement, and the release of negative energy while welcoming the light I needed into my day, made it truly restorative. I'm not going to write anymore about it. I'm going to let it be what it was. I am optamistic there is room now for creative inspiration where the negative energy is no more.

And tomorrow is a new day.

Love Thyself

In contemplation for much of the past 24 hours, I've reflected quite a bit on the start of a new year in the context of this new blog. This year, throw out the resolutions. Banish the idea of empty promises and personal failures. Join me instead, in affirmations of self love. Let 2016 be the year you love YOU!

You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.      

-Buddha

What does it mean though, to love yourself? Consider this:

• How many things have you said to or about yourself that you would never say to someone you love or care about?
• What kinds of things have you done to yourself, your body, that you would never do to someone you love or care about?
• What have you deprived yourself of that you really needed or wanted? 
• Would you rob someone you love of these same things?

We have all heard it from various sources, from philosophers to doctors to self-help gurus. If you don't love yourself, it is difficult to love others and to accept the love of others. If in the New Year we resolve to be kinder to others,  kindness usually comes from being happier ourselves. Happiness begins with self-love. If in the New Year we resolve to be physically healthier, we must treat our bodies like they deserve to be healthy. Healthy body begins with self-love.

Instead of resolutions this year, I am returning to affirmations. These have worked so well for me in the past, I'm not sure why at times I allow myself to get away from them. But self-love means no self-loathing, no self-punishing for things in the past and unchangeable. Rather than revisit the cruel things I have said and done to myself, I am going to affirm in a self-loving way, what is. Not what will be, not what I will try. Just what is. Affirmations don't promise what will be some day, they simply say what is. The power of what we say to ourselves with words can be highly impactful.

To truly treat myself with love, I need to affirm what I know I have in me. This will remind me everyday of all I am and all I need to nourish inside me. We are much better at affirming these things in others we love, it's time we start affirming them in ourselves!

1. I am healthy in mind, body, and spirit.
2. I am surrounded by love.
3. I radiate love and positivity.
4. I am a writer.
5. I am mindful.
6. I have talent and creativity that contribute to the world around me.

I have found one of the best ways to ensure I say my daily affirmations (and they are supposed to be spoken aloud) is to print them out on full size paper and hang them in my closet. I say them to myself out loud while I am getting dressed. I've heard of other people putting them on their mirrors, or on the wall in their bedrooms. I'm not kidding, it really works. We have the power within us to change the way we think and what we believe, and in turn our actions begin to change as a result.

It is also wise to revisit the questions I posed about self love. Why are we so quick to call ourselves stupid or fat? Why are we willing to work overtime, but not make time to read a book or go for a walk, or attend our kids' practice? Would you ever tell your best friend to bring work home and say, "Forget about a walk, who needs fresh air?"  Would you ever tell your partner, "No, don't order your favorite it'll make you fat?" If we make the commitment to self love, we need to speak to ourselves and treat ourselves the way we do others we love. 

Start by doing something or giving yourself something you love. You can even make a list of all the things you love:

I love to write. 

I love to read. 

I love to go out for sushi. 

I love to go to concerts. 

I love to spend time in nature. 

I love to go places with my family. 

I love dark chocolate. 

I love riding my bike. 

Why should I deprive myself of any of these things? They all in some way support my affirmations. Notice, nowhere on the list does it say stay inside, work more, insult myself, or deprive myself of the things that bring me happiness. It all starts today.

-much love