Jerry Maguire

I've often thought over the years, I was dangerously at risk of having a Jerry Maguire moment. You know what I'm referring to... that moment when you pour your guts out in the cut-throat work environment, exposing yourself and your feelings because you're sick of playing along.

My current boss commends me often for my transparency. We have maintained a productive and respectful relationship over the past two and half years, because with me, what you see is what you get. I'm not good at hiding my thought or feelings, and for the most part with me, you're going to get a straight shooter.

Sometimes I wonder though, if transparency is as good of a quality as it seems. As far as being honest and not bullshitting people, I suppose it's a positive quality. People know they are getting honesty from me, and that provides them with a level of security in our relationship of whatever type. On the other hand, my so-called transparency might be interpreted as a cathartic immaturity. Am I so unable to hold my thoughts and feelings to myself that I have to spew them out and let them be known to all, no matter the consequences?

Who knows? I guess it hasn't had any catastrophic results just yet. At worst, I have undercut myself in negotiating competitive salaries, allowed my students some latitude my colleagues may not have. At best, I have avoided passive aggression in my personal relationships, and made a reputation for myself as an honest person.

This past week, I put myself out there. I wrote a sort-of Jerry Maguire letter, and I have yet to see results, negative or positive. I suppose only time will tell. In the meantime, I continue to reflect on my experiences and my expression of ideas and emotions. My conclusion at this point in time is that authenticity is worth the risk of just about anything. Keeping it real, so to speak, is just a part of who I am. No bullshit here. Just me, raw and (mostly) uncensored. Take it or leave it.

Remember when Tom Cruise, as Jerry Maguire,  drives down the road feeling liberated? That's how good it feels when you free yourself from bottled up thoughts and feelings. It feels good to just put all your cards out on the table sometimes. What will be will be. But you never have to wonder, what if...