Life

חי

Read right to left, this is the Hebrew word chai, not pronounced like the Asian tea but with a back-of-your-throat ch- as in Hebrew and Arabic.  חי is the Hebrew word for life. It has also become symbolic of good luck and associated with the number 18, because it is comprised of the Hebrew letters ח (chet) which is the 8th letter of the Hebrew alphabet and י (yud) which is the 10th.

My son, Jacob, turned 18 just a few weeks ago. Knew I wanted to get him something special for this benchmark birthday. I wasn't necessarily looking for something larger than life or crazy expensive, more sentimental. After all, my one and only baby was now officially an adult. Strangely, I was scrolling through FB one day, and a neat little jewelry site popped up. It wasn't specifically for Judaica items, just fairly inexpensive pieces with casual flair. As soon as I saw it, I knew. It was a leather bracelet with a silver disk set into the strapping, and the disk had חי stamped out. This was it. My son's 18th birthday, the word chai- 18 and good luck-a little piece of symbolism from his Jewish roots. I would write him a personal hand-written note and that would be a small gift from a mother to her son. And as I tried to decide whether to order him black leather or brown leather, I decided to order both. Whichever one he didn't want, I was going to keep for myself.

When the bracelets arrived, I wrote up the letter and sealed it with the black leather bracelet in an envelope. I thought he would prefer black and I mistakingly though it matched the leather on a necklace my mom brought him back from Israel last year. Turns out he preferred the brown leather, as it was a better match to the necklace, and I kept the black one. He loved it (at least he said he did) and I've been wearing the black one almost every day since.

You see, I realized something. I've always been so quick to give my son tokens of his Jewish heritage, and I rarely wear visible signs of my own faith. I've become sort of shy about putting it out there, not our of shame butter out of fear. I worry I will a victim of stereotype and anti-semitism. I live in place with not only a minimal Jewish population, but little awareness or understanding about Judaism. People make assumptions and think of us as "different" just because our faith is not the same as most. 

When I gifted this bracelet to my son, I realized there was a symbolism in it for me as well. Chai means life. Life is what you live. If you can't live as you are, what's the point? I decided, I would no longer hide this part of me. I'm not holding any press conferences, or shoving it in people's faces, as many do with their own religious beliefs. I'm just quietly living as I am, and who I am. In fact, unlike other bracelets I've worn, with the words love or peace or Canes, facing outward towards others, this one I always wear toward myself. It's a reminder to me of how lucky I am to have life, and to be able to live it freely and out in the open, unlike many of my Jewish ancestors.

If you want to ask me questions, I'll happily answer.

If you want to recognize me as your sister, I'll happily embrace you.

If you want to judge me or hate me, I'll just seek to be understood.

This is my life, and I deserve to live it as freely as anyone else. To life!