Mind Over Matters of the Heart

Sometimes. Sometimes it's really hard being an educator, an administrator, someone who has the power to make decisions that impact young people's lives. It is a huge responsibility, one often taken for granted and left unconsidered by those who criticize people in the teaching profession. It can be very difficult balancing the needs of one student with the needs of the entire school community. Today we had to make some of these heavy decisions, and it's all still weighing on my mind.

Despite the misunderstanding by many that we are a school for "bad girls," we really don't have much in the way of violence in our school. We work with girls who have experienced trauma in their lives, and the behaviors common in people who have sustained trauma. We rarely have fights, no more than, or probably less than typical middle or high schools. I have been working there for almost three years, and there had only been two fights during that time. This week we had two.

I won't get into the details of the incidences, as we have lots of rules about confidentiality. The point I'm trying to make is that following disciplinary hearings, we had to make the determination about whether the four students involved would return to school or be expelled. There are so many factors that go into the decision. Of course there is the event itself, but then there is the well-being of each of the participants and then what's best for the safety and well-being of the rest of the students in the school. Finally, there needs to be consideration for the safety and wellness of the faculty and staff, as well.

No matter how you slice it, someone always loses out. Often when girls are being expelled, it's with the knowledge that we still are the best place for them but we can no longer serve them and the others safely with their presence. Other times, they remain with really good intentions and things don't work out as everyone hoped, and we find ourselves right back where we were with another incident. On occasion, we make the decision that the student really is best remaining with us, and there is no expected harm or danger to others, and it all works out in the end. But it's rarely win-win.

My heart is heavy over the dismissal of some students. I know we could help, but the timing and the mix of students just isn't right. Sometimes, we just need to acknowledge that we see something in our students they don't yet see in themselves, and that means they're not ready to make a change. We have to be okay with the decision to let them go, and we hope they will remain engaged with our outreach counseling and services. We never completely cut ties, that decision is up to the student. We can only hope everything we have accomplished with them so far, plants a seed that will eventually grow when the time is right.

Sometimes we make decisions we know in our minds are the right ones to make, but they break our hearts anyway.