This Photo

Earlier in the year, I did a post about reading photographs. I always planned to get back to doing more if it, but you move on and you forget. Tonight I was flipping through photos and came across this one. I stop and stare at it every time it surfaces. It says so much to me as a mom, as a writer.

It is of course, a photo of my son, and there are some immediate things that strike me about it. Then, there are some things you won't see without my guidance. Things I see when I look a little deeper...

The photo was taken on a family vacation to St. Augustine. We traveled with another family we are friends with, both the kids and adults. The weather was uncharacteristically cold for the time of year. We went to the beach and ate lunch and walked, but it was too cold to wear swimsuits or go in the water. Jacob rolled up his jeans so he could walk on the shoreline without getting his pants wet.

Jacob has deep and beautiful blue eyes, so we often buy him shirts in the color he's wearing. The bright blue of his shirt, the faded blue jeans, and the color of the sky and water, all make this photo so blue. Even the metal railing he's leaning on takes on a blueish-gray hue.  He has my curls, and here his hair was grown out and a bit unruly. It has an I don't care kind of feel to it. He's looking at me so seriously. If you don't know him, you might interpret the look as a disgust about my attempt to take his photo. As his mom, I can tell you it's an unassuming vanity. He'll look my way, but he's not going to smile with approval. He's sort of posing.

Notice the way he is sitting. He appears to be relaxed. Both shoulders back, and his leg dropped. I'm not so sure how relaxed he was. As a high school freshman, approaching the end of the year (this was spring break), he was just starting to figure things out. He struggled all through middle school, and he was gaining some confidence as he found high school to be a place he felt more like himself. His face is fuller than it is today. He was definitely starting to look older, but he did not yet have the definition in his face, he does today. His skin hadn't cleared up yet, and his shoulders hadn't squared off.

And his hand. The way his hand is hanging forward, the way he's holding his fingers looks just like his dad. It's funny how you notice things like that, things no one else would see.

This photo represents a pivotal time for Jacob, at least in my eyes. It was the last time I'd see him more as a teenager than a young man. I'll cherish this photo forever. It's one of my favorites. It may say more about me as a mom, than it does about him as my son. That's ok.