Brokenheartsville

Yesterday I got to reminisce about my wedding day and marrying the love of my life. It was one of my most perfect days. Today, I'm feeling sad about a not so perfect day. My son had his heart broken today, for the first time (hopefully the last). He's had other girlfriends, but this one was different. It was his first high school sweetheart. He even went to homecoming with her. If you knew him well, you'd know that was a big deal. He's not into the school dance thing, not even a little. But this year he agreed to go. We went shopping, they coordinated, and the photos were just adorable.

This morning I got to work, settled in my office, and heard a text alert on my phone. [She] broke up with me. A simple one sentence text. I knew this was going to get painful. He really liked her. My heart sunk- not because she was perfect or because I though they'd get married (he's only 17), but because he's my son. When his heart hurts, so does mine. I closed my eyes and opened them again. I sent him a text back. I am so sorry. Did she say why? Are you okay?

His response made me want to cry. My heart started to race, it was like someone was breaking up with me. Everyone asks if you're okay when you get broken up with. Everyone always says they're okay. They're all lying. My poor baby. I wanted to pull him close and tell him it was okay, tell him there would be other girls. But I knew that was not what he needed to hear. Instead I validated his feelings as best I could...

I know. What you're saying is 100% true. Is there anything I can do for you? He's so sensitive and I wanted him to know it was okay to feel what he was feeling. I knew if he was home he'd be crying. He's never been afraid to cry, his dad taught him by example that men have feelings too and it's okay to feel. But he was at school. No way he was going to let out the tears. I wanted to tell him to go home, but I knew it wouldn't solve anything. Besides, he had a final to take (I'm sure that went well- eek). Did she give you a reason? Any kind of explanation? I wanted to make sure she didn't rip his guts out. To tell you the truth, I was impressed she waited to talk to him at school rather than just sending it in a text message like so many cowards do these days.

All she said was she she felt like her feelings weren't as strong as mine. There's nothing you can do. There's nothing I can do. She is two years younger than him. He is (was) her first boyfriend. I tried to explain to him she might not be ready for a serious relationship. I was thinking maybe her parents thought it was getting too serious. Either way, my son is a sensitive and pretty intense person. Whether it's a girl or friends, he's loyal and all in. He's caring and thoughtful and maybe it was too much for her. I have nothing bad to say about her. She's a sweet girl, but maybe not quite mature enough to handle the kind of relationship my son had to offer. I'm just glad she handled it maturely.

I talked it over with a friend, a colleague who is a counselor. She immediately responded with a sad and caring expression. She has a daughter the same age, and we often exchange stories and share parenting advice. She asked me if I had ever had my heart broken. I was taken back, because I had never given it any thought. But I realized I never had. I had a couple of teenage crushes that were never reciprocated. But that's not the same. I met my husband when we were teenagers and I've been with him since. My friend reminded me, the primary example my son has of a relationship is his parents who met young, fell in love, got married, and happily spent their lives together. Of course he's going to be intense about relationships, he has a beautiful example of what one should be. Surely I could sympathize with my son, and hurt for him in a way only a mom can, but I really don't know how he feels. The last text I sent was I am sorry. I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better. But I can promise you this, the hurt will go away. I love you.

He came home after school and went to sleep. He was sleeping when I got home from work, and we have't talked since our text exchange this morning. He's still sleeping. I guess I feel the need to give him a hug from mom more than he needs it right now. This girl doesn't know what she just gave up. Really. Another girl will come up right behind her, and boy will she be grateful the last one wasn't ready for him. My boy is just like his dad, and whoever she is, she'll be one lucky girl.