I wrote not too long ago about my disgust with people's behavior over the election. No matter which candidate you support, if any, I can't get behind the mudslinging and name calling. No matter which party you affiliate with, if any, I can't stand the hateful rhetoric and condescension. I found myself feeling physically ill over a Facebook conversation I viewed on my husband's page today. Let me begin by saying neither one of us supports either candidate in the presidential election this year. We both feel a sense of responsibility and duty to our country to participate in the voting process. However, like so many others we struggle to come to terms with how to cast our votes when we don't like our options. We both abhor Donald Trump and almost everything he stands for, but Hillary Clinton is not a good alternative. So we feel stuck to a certain extent.
That being said, here is what happened today. This was actual conversation with guys he's been friends with all his life- since high school. I've known them almost as long as my husband, and I was so distraught reading this.
My husband posted this on his Facebook page today, along with a status message that read this:
"Unless you happen to be a republican white male. Maybe..."
Here is what followed. The traditional print will be his comment and the comments of his friends, and the italics will be what I wanted to say, but chose not to. I cannot sicken myself in a back-and-forth banter with ignorant, hateful people. I know they won't hear anything I have to say anyway.
Friend 1:
I'll take my chances. See how far your political
correctness and your hugs and kisses get you. I'm not going to stand here and
let this country turn into a Third World country, not for my children!! No
sir!!!
My imaginary response:
I'm not sure how treating all human people with kindness and respect would make us a third world country. But anyway, if you're not going to "stand here" and let it happen, what are you going to do? That is, besides spew hatred. I know, you must be working for a campaign or maybe a human services organization. Volunteering your time perhaps? I'm interested to know what you are doing to help us maintain our first world status?
My husband's response:
Of course you will take your chances, you are
Republican, white, and male. I don't know how you come off charging me of
political correctness and hugs and kisses. Just because I'm an independent
thinker doesn't mean I support the new world order. Hate only breeds more hate.
Simple as that.
Friend 1 Continues:
I'm a registered Independent. Also, not charging you
directly just yelling high from the mountains. So far as white and male, YES
SIR, and proud. Not ashamed to say it!!! Even though people think I should be.
But I also have a black nephew and a gay niece that I care about. So no fucking
hate here BUD.
My imaginary response:
Thank goodness for your token black nephew and gay niece. As long as you say you "care about" them you don't have to worry about the world of hate you are perpetuating for them to grow up in. I bet every night you thank your god it's not your son and daughter who are gay. And as far as white and male and proud, don't scrape your knuckles swinging your arm around to pat yourself on the back celebrating your birthright.
My husband's response:
I never understood the "proud to be white"
thing. Pride should be reserved for something we have control over like
graduating high school or raising great kids. You and I are the lucky
recipients of winning the genetic lottery. We happened to be born white in the
greatest country in the world. As far as hate goes, I won't charge you with
being hateful, I know you better than that. But your candidate on the other
hand...
Friend 1 Continues:
I believe there is racism on both sides, and why not
be proud, it's okay to be black and proud or gay and proud. Be proud man. I've
already got the graduation and kid thing licked.
My imaginary response:
Clearly you don't understand racism. I'd like clarification about what you mean when you say "racism on both sides." Graduated high school and stuck your head in the sand. And "the kid thing," wow. I hope your children grow up with love in their hearts. Without hugs and kisses I'm not sure they're going to make it.
Then Friend 2 jumps in. He just happens to be the older brother of friend 1:
I've never understood the
"self-hating-white-guilt" thing. All these crazy lib politicians,
teachers and professors brainwashing our kids into feeling bad about their
heritage.
My imaginary response (Hold onto your hats, because I almost lost it here. I blocked this asshole from my FB during the last election because of his ignorant hateful comments):
Are you fucking serious with that shit? So not thinking of yourself as superior because your white makes you self-hating and guilt-ridden? Is it possible that we don't think we deserve special treatment and want everyone to be treated equally, without being accused of hating ourselves? We're not the ones spewing hate. And let me just tell you about this "crazy lib teacher!" I go to school every day and teach ALL children. Yes, I want children of all races, colors, and ethnicities to learn. I want all children to feel they are important to the future of our country and the world. I even teach the fucking hateful racist ones! It's my fucking job. And as for brainwashing them to feel bad about their "heritage..." Fuck you! Their "heritage" comes from several long lines of various cultures that all came here for a New World. What is it you are referring to as "their heritage?" Is it the Native American Indian culture? The heritage of this country is made up of all the cultures of all the people who have immigrated here over the years. This country was founded on immigration, and the white settlers killed and pillaged the original inhabitants because they thought they had a right to the land. What fucking heritage are you referring to? Sounds to me like it's the heritage of white privilege and power. So we're right back where we started, aren't we, "proud to be a white man, guy?"
Oh yeah, and if us crazy teachers and professors are brainwashing your children, why don't you keep them home and school them yourselves? Oh, that's right. You're not educated enough. Don't worry though, Trump loves the uneducated.
Friend 2 posts again before my husband has a chance to respond:
Not sure if you realize this but taking up someone
else's cause isn't going to win you some sort of prize. Although, it might make
you feel good about yourself and ease some of your apparent white guilt. I'm
sick of all the white hate going around. I'm proud to be white, just like a
black man is proud to be black. Doesn't mean I'm racist in any way, shape or
form. And "my" candidate hasn't said one racist thing. I invite you
to post a direct quote proving Trump is a racist. BTW, if you're posting
sensationalized, false liberal narrative bullshit like you did here (inferring
that Trump is racist) I wouldn't say that not you're anything close to an
"independent-thinker." Respectfully...
My imaginary response:
Now I'm just sick of you because you sound like a hypocrite. I went back to your FB page which I have been avoiding like the plague, to see about the false conservative narrative bullshit you've been posting. And it's all there. You don't have to tell me you're not racist, because I know you are. When you have to announce it over and over to try and prove it, you pretty much give your rebel flag flying hateful self away. White hate isn't even a thing. And the thing about us caring people, we don't take up causes to win prizes, we take them up to help people and to help perpetuate fairness and equality, rather than promote majority power. And adding "respectfully" to the end of your post, is a little like saying "no offense" before insulting someone. It's pointless.
My husband's final response:
The only cause I'm taking up is the future of this
great nation. Within the first few phrases of our founding documents is
"that all men are created equal." If we are going to throw away that
notion, we may as well burn the rest. (As if it hasn't been already) I carry no
"white guilt" because I haven't done anything wrong. (I do think
owning people is wrong, though.) I too am troubled by all the rhetoric and
violence against white people. It's wrong-headed. I never said that Trump is
racist. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't. I called him "hateful." All one
has to do is listen to him or read his tweets. That is a disqualifying
characteristic for a leader in my opinion. Infer what you will about my post,
but you can't say that Trump hasn't said those things.
I feel like my husband gave in a little at the end, acknowledging "violence against white" people as though it's a category of violence on its own. I think he was trying to put an end to the conversation. It's hard getting older and seeing your friends grow into people you have so little in common with. I felt absolutely sick after reading this whole conversation. I was sad. Friend number one happened to be one of my favorites of my husband's friends back in high school and college. It's hard to just write it off as politics. In recent weeks I have thought seriously about deactivating my FB page for awhile and "going dark," as they say. My writing group meets on FB and we talked about employing some other method because I wasn't the only one feeling this way. This election has risen to new heights with divisiveness among people I know. And as I try to reconcile this incongruence among the people I know and consider my friends, I thought this... most of what I see when I pull up my page is friends enjoying life. People taking summer vacations, teachers sharing ideas about their classrooms and the upcoming year (no strategies for brainwashing the white kids to hate themselves though), and family across the country sharing photos with one another. I decided, screw the hateful election mongers. Hell if I'm going to let them take over any part of my existence. I'm going to exercise my right to scroll on by. It's not always easy, but it's worth it. There's already too much hate in the world, I don't need it staring me in the face every day from now until November.
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