42 and 364 days

Tomorrow is my birthday, and this popped up in my Facebook feed today. At 7:37 p.m. nothing has hit me for my blog post today. I'm being drawn back to this as a sign. So here it goes...

Hey you,

It's going to be an interesting year. Some of the everyday things in your life are going to start to feel easier, smoother. You're really going to be able to focus on what's important to you this year. It's time to stop working 10 hour days, and learn that no matter how many hours you work, your work will never be done. So as the sun sets, tell yourself to go home to your family.

I know work has been challenging this year, but it will get better. You're building positive culture and it takes time. But when the right people are in place because you haven't settled for just the next person who walks in, it will all start to come together. And though there will be challenges, you'll have a solid team and you'll figure things out together. You'll begin to remember why you took the job in the first place. 

Your son is going to continue to challenge your patience, reminding you he's not the student you were. There will be no senior year joy ride, because he's going to work down to the wire in his tried and true procrastinating way all through junior year. But you'll learn with your husband, to find the balance between getting on him and letting him find his way. Every minute and every day that goes by, you will watch him in amazement knowing his time with you under your roof is limited, and at times it will make you weep. Because though you want him to go off to college and build a successful future for himself, you will miss the days of packing his lunches and making him dinner, holding his hand and cuddling close with him.

There's relief in selling the house, so don't feel rushed to buy another. Allow yourselves to enjoy where you are and figure out your next move. Owning a home is not all it's cracked up to be, and if  or when the time and the place is right, you can always buy another. In the meantime, enjoy the freedom to move about if you decide you want to.

Your body is going to start to betray you, make it harder and harder to accept it. While you're trying to mature into middle adulthood and be kinder to yourself, photos will lead you to more self-loathing. Don't give into it. Focus on inner strength. and the things that make you feel good- on the inside and the outside. Maybe try some yoga. You'll probably like it! You will find lots of peace in nature, as you have in the past. And in writing. Remind yourself to keep writing. It helps you figure stuff out, it reminds you of everything you are on the inside. 

And remember when your birthday comes, it's just another day. Another year. And everything is going to be just fine.

~Me

Me at 42, biking at Fisheating Creek in Palmdale, Florida