Shabbat Shalom

Image retrieved from tbifl.org

Friday night begins Shabbat, the Jewish sabbath. With Shabbat comes some of the most beautiful family traditions of dining together, lighting candles, drinking wine, attending services, and sharing in oneg (owe-neg), which is literally the joy of sabbath, but traditionally is a spread of dessert and snacks following the Shabbat service. Shabbat is not a holiday, it is the observance and celebration of the sabbath every week. Growing up, my family didn't engage in the weekly Shabbat rituals on a regular basis. I'm not sure why, but it probably has something to do with the distractions of the modern world. In the most traditional form of observance, families stop all other activities involving work and labor. Implements and tools used for labor are not permitted either, so electricity, cars, and appliances can't be used. Families mostly, eat, pray, study torah, and enjoy leisure time together. In modern times, that means no Friday night parties or football games, no going out to the movies or playing with video games or mobile devices. For people today, it can be quite challenging.

In reform Judaism however, the spirit of Shabbat is more about celebration with communal prayer and eating. People arrive to services in cars, participate in prayer and music, and enjoy an oneg. Then everyone drives home. Some may consider that their Shabbat observance, others follow through until the sun sets on Saturday, which is truly the end of Shabbat. There are myriad resources online if you're interested in learning more about the details of Shabbat. But for me, tonight, Shabbat was a backdrop for a special reminder. 

As with my family growing up, I do not observe Shabbat weekly with my family. In fact, I rarely observe it at all. I say this not with pride nor shame, it just is what it is. My husband is not Jewish, my son is 17 with a job and other teenager activities, and I suppose I just never made it a priority of my own. But every now and then, I get a special invitation.

My dear friend Tracie, the oldest friend I have who is still a regular part of my life (we've been friends since college) is also married to a man who is not Jewish. We both, with full support from our husbands, raised our kids Jewish. She has been involved at temple and made Shabbat services a pretty regular part of her life since her kids were little and in Hebrew school. For several years she was even on the Ritual Committee at our synagogue. She has two daughters and a son, and she and the girls enjoyed their Friday nights out at temple as a shared experience. They all had friends there, Tracie with the other ladies at temple, and her daughters with other girls their age. Now her oldest is in college and her second daughter is a senior in high school, and I'm pretty sure they don't get to go as often- at least not all together.

Earlier this week Tracie sent me a text and asked if I'd like to have dinner and go to services this Friday. My son would be working and my husband would be out of town, so though I knew I would be exhausted after work on Friday (another Shabbat challenge) I decided to go with her. We don't get together as often as we'd like, and I've never regretted tagging along with her to a Shabbat service. Tonight was no different. We enjoyed some dinner out before the service with lots of conversation, and the service was uplifting and enjoyable. I don't go to temple very often anymore, but when I do I'm always happy I went. Though I don't think you need to attend synagogue or church to be devoted to your spirituality and G-d, joining in communal observance reminds you you're never alone.

And as I chanted prayers I've known by heart since I was a young child, I felt comfort standing next to my friend. Since we were young mothers with small children, we have shared in this very special part of our lives together. While we both have other friends at temple and elsewhere who are also Jewish, we share a history and the common experience of periodically being single moms in temple. We feel strong enough about our beliefs and our cultural heritage to raise our children in the Jewish community, even though our husbands don't share this part of our lives with us*. Other than my son, I don't think I live and share my Jewishness with anyone more than I do my friend Tracie.  I am so grateful to share my faith and my motherhood with her.  It's always special time when we are together. So every time the phone rings or a text comes in and Tracie asks me on a "temple date," my answer will always be yes.

Shabbat Shalom (Peaceful Sabbath).


*They are welcome, but understandably choose not to participate except on occasion such as our children's Bar and Bat-Mitzvahs and other special occasions.