Up In Smoke

Three years ago I wrote this post on another blog. I'm revisiting it today because the thought is on my mind once again. I have edited it from its original form on that day in 2013- different time, different situation. Same sentiment. But I'm a little older now, and dare I say a tad bit wiser... if only a tiny bit, every bit counts. I think though, I feel it even stronger today than I did three years ago.

What if all the advice about taking the highroad is wrong? Hold your head high, walk tall. Keep your chin up. When one door closes, another one opens. If it's meant to be, it will be. Rise above it all; you're better than that. 

Don't burn any bridges. 

What if, even though I have been told all my life I never should, I wanted to burn a bridge? I'm talking really set it ablaze. Douse it with kerosene and flick a match over my shoulder just like in the movies, and watch it turn into a river of liquid flame. Or pepper it with explosives from one end to the other, flip the switch on my remote control and watch it light up like the Fourth of July, pa-pow!  

What if everything in my head, all those words of wisdom gathered up over the years said take a deep breath and move on, but my heart and my gut said blow the mother fucker up? Let the proverbial bridge burn down and disintegrate to ashes!

Sometimes I feel tired of being responsible and diplomatic and professional and level-headed. Sometimes I just want to react with emotion, from my gut instead of calmly stepping back and keeping myself in check. If I see one more of those stupid Stay Calm and... e-posters on Facebook, I think I'm going to lose it. I want to speak my mind without fear of repercussions. I want to not care how it will affect me in the future. I want to be brave.

We're told that we hold the keys to our own futures. We control our own destinies. I think I believe this notion to a certain extent. But is it possible road blocks, dangerous bridges or crossings can prevent us from reaching our goals? Can it be they are set up by others to sabotage us? Yes, I know usually we need to take physical and or emotional risks to achieve success. After all, we are also told throughout our lives anything worth having is worth working for. But when does it  become foolish to keep trying to cross what might be a booby-trapped bridge or a road with hidden mines beneath the surface? Is it ever appropriate to blow the bridge to kingdom come and start building a new one?  

Don Henley said, "Sometimes you get the best light from a burning bridge." (I sure hope he wasn't referring to a bridge to and from the Eagles because that would not support the direction I'm headed in here). I wonder if you need the old foundation to start building new bridges or pathways in life. I wonder if I can really wipe an old one away completely and start clean, letting the light from the burning bridge show me the way. So far I haven't ever been brave enough, (or stupid enough?) to try. I have been afraid my future relationships or successes will be predicated on those from the past, and I need my history to pave the way to my future. 

Everywhere you go they want to know from where you came. New mortgage, what's your payment history? New lease, who did you rent from before? New car, what kind of payments are you making now? College, what did you do in high school? New job, what did you do in college or at your last job? On the other end of these questions, are people expected to answer them about  you- the right way. Why is that fair? Why is what others say or think more important than who you are and what you say about yourself? Sometimes people think they know who you are, and they just don't. Why do they get decide what your next move is? It begs the question.

If we burn bridges, do we go up in smoke with them?