Best Friends. No, Awesome Friends

Best friendships can be a touchy subject. From the time when we were young girls, the term my best friend may have been used to establish hierarchy in the social order. In our adulthood, we may use the term to refer to friends who have been in our lives a long time, or for whom we hold a dear affection.  I'm pretty sure the term bestie even originated with adults (Not gonna lie, I can't stand it.). The term best friend means different things to different people, and if a woman of any age hears someone else refer to her friend as a best friend, it can even cause jealousy or hurt feelings. The word best is superlative, meaning better than all others. But is it possible to have more than one best friend?

I have several people in my life who can fall into the category of best friends. My husband of course, who is truly my soulmate and my life partner is genuinely my best friend. No one in the entire world has more intimate knowledge of the person I am physically and emotionally. My sister is also my best friend in only the way a sister could be. We've known each other since the beginning of our time on the planet. We have no memory of life without each other. Those of you who have sisters you think of this way can understand what I mean with little explanation.

On the subject of best friends though, one could argue that if the person has another role in your life, such as husband or sister, they cannot hold the best friend crown. Okay, maybe they can share it- your choice. I noticed recently, I often refer to friends of my past as a best friend from childhood, best friends from high school, a best friend from college. Are all these people my best friends or have we just worn out the term, allowed it to just be a label rather than the meaning of something genuine? Maybe it's just a generic term to mean any great friend. Either way, as an adult, I find myself acknowledging the idea that people come in and out of our lives, at different times, for different reasons, and for different amounts of time. Sometimes it truly feels like it's going to be forever. When you've been friends with people a really long time, I'm talking years and years, there's this feeling they'll always be there. And sometimes they are. But sometimes they're not.

I've met some really great friends in my lifetime. But I've realized there's a different kind of friendship that comes out of parenting your children together. The years of being a mom of young children who live at home, takes a special friendship. You will never hear me refer to my adult best friend as my bestie. Never.  Let's ditch the hierarchy and superlatives, and just talk about the friendship without the label, because what we share is so much bigger than best. We have laughed ourselves to tears, we have cried ourselves to tears, and Christine and I have pulled each other's lifeboats through our kids' adolescence.

From the time our kids were 7 and 8-years-old (her youngest was in 1st grade, her oldest and mine were in 2nd), we have talked openly about our kids, our marriages, our careers, our other friends, religion, politics, and everything under the sun.  What makes our friendship so great might be how different we are in so many ways. Our hearts, very similar. Everything else, maybe quite different. Okay maybe not everything, but you get the idea.  We have the kind of friendship that for many, may not have lasted.  She's a nurse and I'm an educator and these two professions have come in handy in helping each other through some of parenting's most challenging moments. One Catholic, one Jewish. One family in private school, the other in public. One a bit high strung, the other a little too laid back. But ya know what? We strike a pretty good balance, because when you break it all down you're left with this. We both married our high school sweethearts, we both believe strongly in our marriages and our families. We both want what's best for our kids and would give our lives for their well-being and happiness. We tell it to each other straight. Don't think we agree on everything. It's just not the case. Don't think one of us placates the other when it's time to tell it as it is. Not so. Just like a good marriage, we are honest with each other even when we know the other won't like the truth- and we don't get mad at each other for it. We don't even say we're not mad and get mad anyway. And above all else, either one of us would run at the drop of a hat for each other's kids, for the other's husband, or for each other if any of them needed anything.  I love her. Let's just call her my awesome friend.

We've spent countless hours on the phone, and we've gone on a couple of vacations together, with our families and once just the girls. But our kids' lives have made it difficult to make time for just us. It's a terrible excuse, but one we allow each other to use with understanding. With great sadness we're counting down the days until our kids leave our homes. Her daughter and my son will be turning 18 this year- yikes! Both with late birthdays, we get to hold onto them for one more year as they will be seniors next year. She's got a year after that with her son who will be a junior. Then, with a box of tissues and a computer, we'll sob over our empty nests and plan ourselves one hell of a vacation!

She'll kill me for this unflattering photo of both of us... we have so few together.
This is all I could dig up. We must change that!