One of Love's Lowest Moments

Desperation began to set in. The four hour trip felt like a lifetime, and the screaming just wouldn't stop. How in the world was I supposed to know what this little creature wanted, or needed? I drove down the highway hypnotized by the monotonous hum of the road, fighting to stay alert through the exhaustion of disrupted sleep patterns and incessant crying. I just wanted to get home. I just wanted to hand over my little "bundle of joy" to his grandmother, crawl into bed, and sleep. For a week. But each second felt like an hour, each hour like a week. I reached behind me trying everything, a pacifier I licked clean after dropping it on the floor, a bottle I knew was too cold, rattles and toys. I tried the Sesame Street cassette, and classical music. Nothing worked. I cried. I used every tissue I had and then snotted on my shirt. I screamed, like really loud at the top of my lungs. And then I pulled over. Fine. You win little one. But I rocked him, I tried a bottle, I changed his diaper and still nothing worked. I decide above all else, I had to get home. I cried some more. I screamed some more. I turned the radio up to an ungodly volume to try and drown out the miserable sound of a wailing infant (please don't judge me). And then I thought about the story I heard on the news. The one when the mom drives herself and a car full of kids off a cliff or a bridge or something, and I know how she feels. I have never felt as inadequate and desperate as I do right now. I just want my mom. So I called her. And she tried to calm me down. I'm not sure she did, but she stayed on the phone and let me cry because that's what good moms do. And somehow, someway, as I got close to her house, he finally started to tucker out. He knew we were home and Grammy was right there waiting, for both of us. I pulled in and there she stood. I didn't even have to say anything or do anything. I ran for the house and she for the car. She took my baby and I took a nap. And in a few hours everything would be just fine.

Photo retrieved from jumpstartrepairs.org